Tag: humour

not being first fishLeave a comment

‘Heels’

Suzanne Conboy-Hill

Heels Yesterday, on the way to the fields and anticipating not just an encounter with Donovan the Lonely Horse but also a soaking due to the gathering gloom above, I came across a double decker bus.  Not too unusual you might think, but in this part of the world we’ve only just stopped pointing at cars and describing them as horseless carriages, so the arrival of a bus is quite an event[1], especially when apparently stranded at the end of a lane it should never have been able to get up and only has steps, a field and a river … Continue reading ‘Heels’

Rate this:

not being first fishLeave a comment

The Hills Are Alive …

Suzanne Conboy-Hill

…with the sound of feline yodelling. In the manner of one’s elderly granny upping sticks in the middle of the night to go shopping, wearing only carpet slippers and a hat she bought for a wedding in 1946 and kept because it would ‘come in’, Pickle is beginning to take leave of whatever senses Persians start out with. This has never been much to write home about as anyone living with a Persian will testify. That blank look, reminiscent of an iDog[1] that just drained its battery, is what Persians do between thoughts, and since thoughts are about as frequent … Continue reading The Hills Are Alive …

Rate this:

sci fiLeave a comment

‘When Gliese Met Glasgow – and Muira made a mint’

Suzanne Conboy-Hill

If you had to choose Earth’s representative for First Contact with aliens, it probably wouldn’t be a 3’6″ Black Glaswegian with no diplomatic experience, would it? ‘When Gliese* Met Glasgow (and Muira made a mint)’  reached the Finals of Pen2Paper, a competition run by the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities; goodness knows how! They’re all here, free to read: http://www.txdisabilities.org/pen-2-paper * Gliese exists. It was the first star system found to have at least one potentially habitable planet in its orbit. Continue reading ‘When Gliese Met Glasgow – and Muira made a mint’

Rate this:

UncategorizedLeave a comment

“Aliens on Your Sofa”

Suzanne Conboy-Hill

Today, we’re off to the Vet’s and it’s the turn of Ms Muppet and General Montgomery … Aiming for nonchalance, I set out the two carriers in a separate room.  These are minutely explored, inspected and then inhabited by every cat except my two targets so that guerrilla tactics have finally to be employed. Nabbing Ms Muppet, who is essentially a two-cat-cat-in-a-one-cat-pack, I go for the cooperative approach, pointing her at the entrance to the carrier and shoving gently from behind. So she does what cats uniquely do under those circumstances and morphs into a star shape, grabs the sides … Continue reading “Aliens on Your Sofa”

Rate this:

Uncategorized1 Comment

‘Fundamentals’

Suzanne Conboy-Hill

Unattended men were never seen in the underwear department of Messrs Marks and Spencer unless in the company of formidable matrons whose capacity to wither a frisky thought at birth had been practised under their mother’s tutelage.  In fact even a somewhat tottery thought asking vague questions about whether it was tea time yet would have been hard pressed to survive and would most likely have gone home for a sit down with an iced fancy instead. Extract from Fundamentals, one of the several ‘diary dramas’ recounted in Not Being First Fish by P. Spencer Beck. Find on Amazon UK & … Continue reading ‘Fundamentals’

Rate this:

UncategorizedLeave a comment

‘Not Being First Fish – and other diary dramas’

Suzanne Conboy-Hill

The truth, the half truth, or nothing like the truth? It depends, says the pseudonymous author, on whether you recognise yourself. But if you didn’t leave the gate open to cavorting cattle on a rural bridge, or become unsettlingly aroused at the sight of a Saab, you’re probably ok. You can find it on Amazon (UK and US) Barnes and Noble, and also eBay. Childishly grown up. Continue reading ‘Not Being First Fish – and other diary dramas’

Rate this:

short story, Zouch MagazineLeave a comment

‘How the Fat Fairies Saved the World’

Suzanne Conboy-Hill

An antidote to the recent leg-crosser, Fat Fairies is another sideways look at how the universe works – maybe. In Zouch Magazine today: Back in the day, Fat Fairy’s life was an unmitigated misery; at least during the episodes not involving jam sponge or double cheese pizza. She was surrounded by gaggles of thin, twinkly fairies who flitted and flounced through the air on gossamer wings, while her wings were more like the carapace of a large bug. Read More: http://zouchmagazine.com/fiction-how-the-fat-fairies-saved-the-world-dr-suzanne-conboy-hill-short-story-month/#ixzz32oYiOyJT Continue reading ‘How the Fat Fairies Saved the World’

Rate this:

Full of Crow, humour2 Comments

‘Oars for Legs’

Suzanne Conboy-Hill

‘Oars for Legs’: It’s very embarrassing to have a spasm in the middle of a – how shall we say – romantic interlude. Even more so when you have succeeded in trapping your paramour by the genitals and pinned him up against the wall. Cerebral palsy can be a bugger sometimes. Out on Full of Crow: disability positive with a giggle and a smidgen of nearly-there science. Continue reading ‘Oars for Legs’

Rate this: