Let me say right off that the staff of the Blue Bell Hotel in Burton Agnes are as warm, friendly and accommodating as anyone could wish, and the rooms are very well appointed. For family reasons, I’ve had cause to stay there on several occasions over the last couple of years and so comparative standards have been easy to generate. The last time, earlier this month, we hit a drop in the usual quality of service, and all of it due to lack of attention to detail. The big things were right, as always, but the little things – not so much. I’m going to list them here; not in a belated hissy fit of unreported affront, but because when I gave this feedback personally to the manager, his acceptance could not have been more gracious or his promise that I would see a difference next time, more sincere. And given that I had just told him he looked like the handy-man rather than the front-of-house chap in charge, this was quite an accomplishment. Here we go then, but please take a look at the *positives too.

1. No hot water in the room. I discovered this late at night and waited until the morning to report it. The staff said that, had I mentioned it at the time, they would have moved me immediately to another room, and I know they would have done that. I had unpacked and was less concerned about being clean than collapsing under the duvet!
2. One of the light bulbs at the bedside was out.
3. The soup course had arrived without a spoon, as did the boiled eggs the next morning.
4. Breakfast had been moved from the large, airy conservatory to the brasserie. This is more cosy but also out of the way of staff traffic and so I had to go looking for someone to get coffee, marmalade and the like.
5. A small point I didn’t mention was that the tables for one were set with the guest’s back to the door, which is not most people’s choice. We generally like to see who’s coming into our space. I rearranged mine.
6. I was offered shower facilities in the room adapted for people with disabilities. This is a decent sized room with plenty of floor space and the heating had been put on earlier for me. But one of the glass shelves in the large wet room was tilted at such an angle as to be unsafe. Any glass item placed on it was at risk of sliding off and maybe smashing on the tiled floor.
7. The emergency cord in the disability room had been tied up and would have been out of reach of a disabled guest who had fallen or was sitting on the toilet and needing urgent assistance.
8. Standard and Superior rooms. Now here’s a thing – five of us stayed there on the occasion of my father’s funeral. I had booked four Standard rooms and my cousin had booked a Superior room because that was all that remained at the time. On inspection, we could not see the difference but it turns out that, in always asking to avoid the two rooms at the front of the hotel where double glazing is not permitted and both traffic noise and headlights cause disturbance late into the night and from very early in the morning (this is farming country), we had also been allocated Superior rooms. This means that a Standard room is one in which you might not be able to sleep, while a Superior one is likely to be quiet and lacking frequent, intermittent light pollution. I discovered this when I questioned the bill and argued that, as the primary purpose of a hotel bedroom is sleep, the ones where this is possible should not be regarded as Superior but Standard.  What remains is how to describe the others (rooms 13 & 14, since you ask). I have suggested blackout curtains so that the intrusive light from full beam headlights would be excluded. Anyone who can sleep on a clothes line or has the kind of hearing impairment that renders traffic noise irrelevant, should have no trouble sleeping with the implementation of this low cost, simple adjustment.
9. Finally, the anonymity of the manager. I’ve seen him at all times of day and he appears to be very hands-on. As he pointed out, he is the one who fixes the boiler, and so he probably spends quite a bit of time in the hinterland of the hotel. However, front of house is also an important job because it models dress standards to the staff (who all have a uniform), and leaves guests and visitors in no doubt as to who has the authority.

Every one of these problems is about attention to detail; checking rooms thoroughly before guests arrive, making sure the right cutlery is available, making it easy for guests to access available items, and adhering to a dress code commensurate with the role. They promise to put this right, so if you visit before I do, check and let them know if they haven’t come up to scratch.

*Now read the good things:

1. This is a country hotel way out of reach anything that might be called a conurbation and so it is in farming country. There is a large lawn area to the back of the hotel and a friendly horse in an adjoining paddock.
2. There is outdoor seating in a simple patio area.
3. Parking is bliss.
4. Staff will help with anything at all – including changing the menu if what’s on offer doesn’t suit.
5. The chef will come out and discuss the ingredients of a dish, add something or leave it out if you wish.
6. There is free wi-fi, now the first thing I look for in a hotel.
7. Staff have a smart casual uniform so you know who’s who and who to ask for things.
8. The rooms are spotless and well appointed with flat screen TV, double or two single beds, good wardrobe space, writing desk, storage, hair dryer and bath/loo/shower room with shampoo, soap, and shower gel. Take your own talc though.
9. There is a bar, which is the local pub for people who live nearby. The bar man knows about the ‘legs’ in a glass of wine.

These are the reasons I will go back. If problems persist or recur – well, I’m there often enough now to be almost family so on the verge of feeling free to nip into the kitchen and rustle up some eggs for myself, if necessary! I won’t be hesitant about mentioning a glitch, don’t you be either. This is a place that wants to get it right and they will listen.

And Alex Polizzi? Watching The Hotel Inspector was like taking a course in how to point out flaws in the nicest possible but appropriately assertive way. Brits are not good at this; we creep away and whinge to our mates, or deliver an anonymous rant to a website. Or we go for a tirade modelled on a 1950’s headmaster, or a wrongly red-carded premiership footballer. These are not at all helpful. What people in the business say is ‘if you like what we do and how we do it, tell everyone; if you don’t – tell us’.