Good ol’ Enger-land, still here and shouting the odds with the big boys despite being Empire-less and, currently, lacking any sort of government as we dangle between the dissolution of parliament and the Britain’s Got Talent final on May 6th when we pick our new Head Boy.
Of course when we do choose our new boss, we’ll be inflicting him on Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland too whether they like it or not. Or they’ll be sticking it to us, safe in the knowledge that they have their own devolved governments so they can vote with impunity for the party most likely to stitch up the English by making education inaccessible and prescriptions affordable to only those with an offshore bank account.
Well, we will take revenge. In an unholy alliance of tradition, spite, and quantities of home-brewed beer, we will take to the streets wearing bells, braces, and daft hats to hop around in circles, whacking at each other with big sticks. Anyone left with teeth at the end of the day is a sissy. In fact anyone who hasn’t been arrested at least twice before sun down is probably going to find themselves the subject of local gossip and suspicion. After all, there’s bound to be fights in the name of honour and who wouldn’t want to stand up for their glorious English Principles? Trouble is, a lot of the principles (and the darn flag too) have been hijacked by the political far right and re-construed to mean something entirely dis-honourable so that the elderly matron who just wants the banks to behave can find herself allied with a gang of racist reprobates in a scrap with a platoon of militant hippies. And if that image doesn’t make you want to retreat to a duck pond somewhere with teams of cavorting Morris dancers assaulting each others’ molars, I don’t know what will!
Wish us a happy day, we’re just learning to be English again and taking our flag back from the bigots. The dragon these days wears a suit and St George carries a voting slip instead of a sword. We need the daft hats to remind us we’re all human and we can laugh our way to our multi cultural freedoms.