Cover Art

Scrotum is a fascinating word, don’t you think? If you dissect it, the scr tells you very clearly to expect an object that is scrunched and crumpled, while the otum reminds you of its Latinate respectability. If there are two, these are scrota, but who would know that, other than a doctor like yourself who has to accommodate the plurality for accuracy’s sake?

Interestingly, it is also possible not just to be in possession of scrota, but to be one – a scrote. I have never, myself, seen the connection between the unpopular person it describes, and the wrinkled prune within which the fresh plum is housed; unless it is the tendency for each to be unwelcome at social gatherings. But perhaps this the point.

Ah, I see you are not amused. I had thought, as we are both scholars; you of anatomy, I of craft and historical literature, that we would find a common interest in intellectual discourse. But perhaps under the circumstances …

Still, I am keen to know: in your line of work, you must have had opportunity for a more detailed observation of the range of scrotal sacs than most of us. Have you seen many others that are tattooed, and do the images grow and shrink with the ambient temperature? I imagine warmth is necessary to smooth out the epidermis for maximum aesthetic effect.

Did you know that some medical books were bound in human skin? It was apparently quite common for people to donate their skin post mortem, although others appear to have been parted from theirs less willingly. I used to wonder, had the bookbinder a choice, what he would prefer – a strip from a weathered chest with its hairs and follicular pits, or a hardy buttock – thick and made for wear and tear?

But perhaps the book called for a less rugged appearance so that the soft, supple inner thigh, or the high under-arch of the foot would be preferable. There is a moderate literature on the subject but nothing, sadly, to answer this particular question.

I used chicken skin to begin with because of its ready availability, but I was soon dissatisfied with it for that very reason, as it dampened my enthusiasm for the end results. I moved on to road kill – fox, badger, cat. Dogs are harder to obtain but the Chinese Crested has an interesting hide if you can access veterinary waste. Of course, and you will appreciate the necessity, this was just preparation – a way of acquiring the skills for the primary task, much as a surgeon practises on frogs and cadavers before he starts on people.

If it were not so inconvenient, I would let you see my collection while we’re waiting for the room to warm up. Robust, leathery builders’ hides for encyclopaedias, the soft silk of a lady’s upper arm for the romantic novel. But a book of exotic illustrations deserves a particularly special cover, don’t you think?

Conboy-Hill 2014, Full of Crow (now discontinued)